Thursday, March 13, 2008

A little Hellery humor

Hillary's clock

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered,
"Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move."

"Oh", said the man.
"Whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's," replied St. Peter. "The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man.
"And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Hillary's clock?"
asked the man.

"Hillary's clock is in Jesus' office...

He's using it as a ceiling fan!"


The Freewheeling Socrates said...

Because God does not exist, Mother Teresa was a pathological liar.

And for what?

The ocean waves erase whatever footprints we may have left in the sand.

Da Weaz said...

O Soc, we know the whole god and heaven thing is bullshit, but lighten up and have a laugh.

Enjoy the footprints while they last.


The Freewheeling Socrates said...

What, I can't laugh? Last April I did a stand up bit at the Comedy Store on the Sunset Strip in L.A. on open mike night.

Let's see you publish this one on front street:

Bill Clinton and Lanny Davis are walking down the street while having a chat.

Suddenly, Bill draws Lanny's attention to a dog which is curled up, sucking its own balls.

"God Damn!" says Bill, white powder crystals outlining his nostrils, "I wish I could do that."

"Geeze, Bill," says Lanny, "you're disgusting. Don't you think you ought to at least pet it first?"

Da Weaz said...

Well, Soc, I didn't make it up, but I can pass it along:

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car.
The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't.

The aged cow was struck and killed.
Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and pay them for the cow.

She stayed in the car making phone calls.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray.

He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

"What happened to you," asked Hillary?

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.' The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."